Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I love my daddy

This was my son's favorite book..while he seen momma scanning it he looked at it and asked me to keep it..but he did not want her to read it to me. I longed to read it to him..for him to be as excited about books as he was before he went to school..there is a part in the book..that goes.Daddy loves pickles...and I love pickles to..to which I would go...eeeyou...you love pickles..and it would make him giggle and giggle..when I read it..
There was so many favorite stories..
I am sure you are familiar with the gingerbread man..one.
you can run, run, run just as fast as you can..but you can't catch me...I am the gingerbread man...
that was always a fun one..requested to be read so many times..
Sammy's first report card read.."Joy to Teach, Loves to Learn"
What happened to this little boy of mine.
I know
but can I change it.
What is important to me now is ..him...I feel like I failed to protect him from people I should have been able to trust with him, that I was to forgiving...
My first now is to get back his self esteem and confidence..and the little boy..who loved to learn...
that is going to take some time..but I know I can do it..
I speak very openly about things that concern me..It is important that I say this...It is important to me to talk about what has happened to him..it helps me to understand..it allows me to reach out to others who can help me better understand..it allows others who to have experienced things to know..that they are not alone..
One thing..I need to say..is that I do not want anyone to think I am looking for pity or sympathy in life..that is not the case..but if I do go on a self pity trip..I will post..my pity party..today..in the title..
Your words to me..bring me wisdom..they help me learn..they keep me from feeling alone..especially now...I can not get out much anymore..
okay..whoa...helen ready is coming in my mind..I am women..hear me roar..
The parts of Sammy's life I have shared with you..are only the parts that I can talk about without crying..allot more happened to him...along the way...that still needs to be said..
and I hope to share with you as time passes...at all times..your comments are appreciated,
and help me in many ways...
knowledge without heart..is not wisdom..
I hope I will not bore you..along life's way.
Thank you.
I have a great new project in mind for Sammy..a starting place..which I hope to get up on his blog this week..once we have done the home work on it..
There is this really cool women in our town..Isobelle..who really has done so much volunteer wise to help our community..everything from guides and brownies..to our local library..
Well she gave me a map of the world today..which is going to be a part of Sammy's new home school project..and hopefully going to renew his curiosity in life..
Thank you Isobelle!
Chat with you soon..
My love and kind regards, Joanne


kinderdoodle said...

I totally fill your pain. I had a daughter that something similar happened to. I saw a vivaious, thriving 6 year old's personality totally change to a withdrawn, thought she could do nothing right child. She used to sing and was so full of life and there were about 3 teachers at her elementary school who tormented she and I during her 1st grade year until they broke her down. She was in gifted and talented classes. She became so stressed out and then she got a strep infection and took antibiotics for it and the next month started having seizures. They treated us like dirt. To top it off, I too was so trusting because you see I was a fellow teacher in the same school system and I could never imagine them talking and treating me and my child the way they did. They told me at our conference that she had an auditory perception disorder and would stay in trouble with the law and be a menace to society. Can you imagine giving me a page they copied from a book that said this. My child was a child that always tried to please, she was quite until she warmed up to people and got to know them and once she knew them she was engaged in conversation. She worried about others and put them and their feelings first. She was a very caring child. Full of life. And that was all destroyed. She wouldn't even talk to her grandmother on the phone because she thought she had done something wrong. Finally after about six months of me telling her over and over that she had done nothing wrong it was just adults that had the problem, I began to see my child come back. Then back to the seizures she started having in April 1994. They came in cycles like a women's period. She only averaged about one a month coming out of sleep in the mornings. Tests of course were done during this time and she was diagnosed with petit mal seizures. But we had her reevaluated because we were not satisfied with the diagnosis. Her 1st Dr. just kept increasing the seizure meds. but would not listen about the (only coming out of sleep) So we got a second opinion and this Dr. diagnosed as a different type seizure and changed the meds. We went the summer of '94 and things were not getting better. She started school and the meds made her like a zoombie at times. About Thanksgiving in Nov. she got a virus and vomited and became dehydrated. We had to hospitalize her. This Dr. decided she had a rare sydrome and gave her mega doses of corticosteriods injections and sent her home. When we came home, all the kids in her 2nd grade class were sick with this virus and also the principal. I tried to tell the Dr. that what was wrong was not related to the seizure disorder because all these other kids were sick the same way but he would not listen and insisted we continue giving her prednisone 50mg. plus 2 seizure meds. This went on for a month. We went back to the Dr. on Dec. 7, 1994, and got a good report, the eeg was good. On Sat. Dec. 9, my daughter began to get a rash on her. We had the local physicians look at her and they did not know what the rash was. They checked her blood and the white count was slightly elevated so they put her on antibiotics. On Wed. her neurologist said to taper off the prednisone to every other day so we did. By Wed. she had begun to run a fever 104, Wed. night. Thurs. Dec.15, 1994 she was starting now to vomit. The local dr. lives one block from us so he came by the house and looked at her. He did not think she was sick enough to hospitalize. By 8:00 that night Thurs. Dec. 15 the vomiting was getting worse and I told my husband we are taking her to children's hospital at Little Rock. As we were preparing to get ready to go, my husband called our local physician and he said bring her to the local hospital first and let him look at her. So we were just about to go out the door when my daughter let out a scream ( I thought she was upset because she was going to have to go to the hospital) She stood up kicked out in front of her and did her arms like karate moves and collasped in my arms. We rushed her to the hospital and they worked on her for about an hour. We lost her. And still to this day do not know exactly what caused her death. Her larynx had constricted so we think maybe some kind of allergic reaction to some of the meds. they had put her on. It has been so hard these 14 almost 15 years. She was our only child. So do what you have to do, and don't always trust everyone. I was too trusting of alot of people and too kind like you discribed. Sorry to go on and on. Actually there was more that happened with the school situation and the sickness but it is difficult and long to write about.
You are in my thoughts and prayers!

BelindasScrapz said...

I am never bored reading your stories about life with you and Sammy. My heart breaks for you both when I read of how his love for learning has been stolen by those who should have been there to protect and care for him. He is in much better hands with you now and I am sure that in time you will bring that joy of learning back into his life.
I dont see your posts as any kind of pity party either and can understand not being able to get out and needing a place you can vent and say what you feel. Keep sharing what you feel and we will keep reading...and thank you for sharing your life and Sammys and allowing me into it via your blog

ida macken said...

Linda my heart goes out to you as well as Joanne, I have been lucky not to have some of your trials but as a mom & grandmother I do understand your frustration, with Dr's and Schools. We've had a hard time with both on more than a few occasions. I will keep you both in my prayers, and if you need someone to sound off to I will be listening. love, ida


Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel. I have a 10yr old daughter w/ some developmental delays and My husband and I are constantly fighting just to get her the help she needs (we even have to fight with the school district to take her to private tutoring when we're paying for it out of our own pockets!) Don't give up and remember that it's your child who is the most important thig - I'm glad you've decided to homeschool - we've made the decision that when it's time for my daughter to go to middleschool (in 2 years) that we, also will homeschool because kids that age are just too cruel - I can't make her face that. Just remember, you're not alone, there are countless parents fighting the same kinds of fights you are and we're here to support you when you need it.


Deb said...

Joanne, love your layout, love how you scanned the book in and used it. Good luck on your homeschooling, I'm sure it will be WAY better for him. I hope you can help him oversome his bad experiences.

Anonymous said...

My condolences to Linda and my regard to you.

You are at a starting place, that means for your son the slate is clean. Do not dwell with the bad, for all inents and purposes, shit happens and it is up to us to make a learning experience out of it. Someone treated you badly, you either learn compassion or learn to be hateful. Teach your son to be compassionate of others, but not to allow himself to be victimized. Take him to a nursing home or somewhere where he can help others. Maybe he could read them a story or play a game with them, make him feel useful. Making others feel good can help his confidence, and in the process help him to heal. Self confident children are less likely to be victimized. Maybe Isobelle can help with this.

Also ask about social groups (maybe an art class or something he finds intersting) that your son can be a part of, because he still needs to have social interaction with others and learn social skills. Teach him how to teach others how to treat him, other people can only make you feel badly if you let them.

Be sure to tell him that some people make fun of others are generally unhappy about something in themselves and they make fun of others to "bring themselves up." Others make fun of or afraid of what they do not understand. Additionally, they have not learned yet (and many people never do) there is no such thing as perfect, because perfect is opinion. Everyone has one and they are all different.

Have you checked the web for homeschooling stuff? There is a wide array of things available for free online.





http://www.weeklyreader.com/teachers/kindergarten (this has menu to get more advanced material)





enchanted learning

Good Luck in your pursuit. From mother of 2, with miscellaneous issues, you are stronger than you think.