The Truth (Vertigo)

The Truth (Vertigo)

Simple words

I believe very much in kindness.

I worry about the future for our children.

I believe that women can change the world we live in if we would only speak our truths that live in our hearts.

You have to watch this whole video to the end to appreciate it.

I added a link to the bottom of my blog that promotes kindness.

Kindness knows no religion it is universal.

It can change the world.

When it becomes a priority in our world.

Happy Valentine's Day

Two Gold frames for you..one with the bow and one without!.

Thank you for visiting my little garden of life..that helps me in so many way deal with pain..and gives me the opportunity in life to share and give something back to others that may some day give someone a smile.

I put this one on rapidshare..as 4 shared was not cooperating..sorry..

Please leave a little love..this week I could use a bit of encouragement!

Thank you Ida..you made the one post...that I needed to hear.

There is a book called living, loving and learning..by Leo Buscaliga..in which..I learned..the value of one smile..one word..in life.

Never put of saying I love you to those that you love and never forget the value of a kind word..or a smile..promote kindness and make the world a better place for each other and our children.

Happy Valentines Day!

Thank you to Marie who always list me..and to others who list me that I may not know about..

Hey and Congratulations to my dear friend Jannidee...she has her own...shop now..and she makes the most beautiful scraps...check her out in my side bar and I just love reading her blog..too..

my friend rosa has scraps up to..she is in my side bar she has some freebies as well..

Download Here!

How we met on this day!

It was 13 years ago on this day that I boarded a plane to travel overseas to a place I had never been before.

The Netherlands, Holland

What brought me on this exciting trip?

Well three bored women one labor day weekend had nothing to do..two of them were married..I was hanging around enjoying their company..when one of them..my makes me laugh all the time friend Stella..decided to call the party line..that was advertised on TV.So..1-800 here we go..and left a message!

We were taking turns as to who would answer the call..and just being silly girls, enjoying our day..

It was not supposed to be anything serious..!

From out of the blue .. comes the lovely accented voice .. of this man.
Hey, he did not want to know ... any of the wrong things .. He had such a sweet voice..

We chatted, exchanged addresses and promised to send each other a little bit of information..about where each other lived..

I had no intention of taking any of it serious..I had told a white lie..about my weight..and my age..of course..I made myself younger and weigh less...what women wouldn't smiles..
That was the end of the call .. so I thought.

Low and behold...I got a call again the next day .. just thinking about you..and wanted to chat again.
Well one call..lead to another call .. and big phone bills .. and letters daily back and forth to each other.
I was in love with a perfume .. called ombre rose .. and sealed the envelopes of the letters I wrote with it.

He carefully wrote each one to me in calligraphy..!

We sent each other little gifts..He sent me a tape of love songs..

Eventually the two of us..talked about meeting each other in real life..
exchanged words of love..and looked forward to each moment..we could talk or read a letter from each other..
We said I love you!

The country mouse and The city mouse

I live in the boonies..and him in the big city.
I had lived alone 8 years..been there done that and had made my mistakes in relationships..I knew now what I wanted..and he to had done the same..and knew what he wanted..we learned from each other..we had many of the same values and beliefs for a relationship..

He learned more English, I learned more Dutch..at least the words that mattered.

I decided enough of this..I was going..to see this man that I spent my evenings and nights listening to music he sent..dreaming of ...for the better part of 5 months.

I saved my pennies and dimes..ate next to nothing..I mean I had to loose weight..in order to meet him..after all I did tell those little white lies in the beginning..that I somehow could not get around to telling the truth about..so diet I did..and tell him I was gaining weight..all that time..my age..that was another matter, was not sure how I was going to fix that one..but did I ever have regrets..for having done that..We had pictures of each other..that left something to our imaginations..his when he had been working out..and in top notch form..and mine..hiding behind Santa..

I had lost a lot of weight..was feeling pretty good about it..when I boarded the plane..I was still overweight..but ..was happy with myself..he on the other hand..did not believe that I was really going to be there..when I told him a package would be arriving wearing a heart on her coat..for him..on Valentines Day at the Amsterdam airport..

So here I am ..boarding the plane to go meet him.

I had booked my ticket so I could spend three months there..had back up plans for almost every foreseeable event that could be less then what it was supposed to be..my minister thought I was nuts..one of my friends thought I was going to be put in a slave ring..and oh the possibilities of what could go wrong..all carefully gone over.

My mom..well..we had a little gig..set up to make sure I got there okay..she silently worried..but she never once said do not do it..if anything she trusted my instinct..and the fact that she knew me as a daughter who would analyze anything to pieces..one of my better qualities..and worst ones..at the same time..

As I neared..Amsterdam..my mouth grew amazingly dry...I could not swallow..and the person sitting next to me..gave me some gum..thank goodness..well I was here..and it was happening and there was no going back..

I got off the plane..it was so different..from the little tiny airport I had left..it took forever to travel that long belt..to where..I checked through with my passport..collected my luggage..there were no people around..anywhere..where were all the people..did I go the right way..etc..going through my mind..
Would I recognize him...would he see me..would he be there...so many questions..

He was my soul mate..I could feel it!

I went through the door to where the people were that had a corded of barrier rope..I was looking at where I was steering my cart..and heard my name....I looked up...oh my...he is so tall..and so much bigger then his photo..He is here, I am here!

We drove to Den Hague..holding each others hands all the way..once there we sat together chatting..he could not believe I was there..I was not in his apartment long..when a knock came to the door..and his father poked his head in ..to make sure his son..was not hurting from a girl that did not arrive..his father put the warmest smile on his face..when he met me..

I had the time of my life while I was in Holland..I felt like I was 19 all over again..but a better 19..a 19 that I had missed..I hopped trains..went to the efteling...bought salt instead of sugar..rode sneaky snakes..(the city trams..) and visited all his family and friends..then he asked me to marry him..and stay there forever..but I owned my own home back here..had commitments..I had let my house to someone while I was gone..and had to go back..in May..and I needed to know something more about him...could he do the same..be committed enough to come and see my world..!
Housing in Holland is not cheap..and giving up a house that is owned is never an easy thing to do..so I asked him to save his money and come and see my world..

Saying Good bye from Holland was not easy..for either of us..!

That September..he came here..and has been here ever since..we married..and the following November a little over a year later...our little miracle of life was born...neither of us..were suppose to be able to have children..
Last night after 12 we wished each other.. a Happy Valentines Day..and thought back to that first moment..when we physically met each other and what we first thought..
me..oh my he is so tall..him..oh my she is really here and some short..and after 13 years of marriage..I still have to get him to put things down on a level I can reach....smiles...we have been there for each other through good times and through hard times..we have faced the world hand in hand..what more could a girl ask for..!

I did within the first week of being there tell him..how old I really was...it was a very difficult thing for me to do..as I knew I was falling deeply in love with him..and one night..after he had brought belgium chocolates and icecream to bed, I knew I had to tell him that I was actually five years older then I had told him..that meant a 12 year age difference and that I was actually closer in age to his parents then I was to him..He sat stark up when I told him..looked out the window for a bit..no saying anything then turned to me and said..I still love you and know you must love me to..because that was not easy to do. We made a promise then to always be true to each other and me...I learned a life lesson..that even the smallest of white lies..can lead down a road that you may not want to be on..but will come back on you.

While I am not rich in Gold, I am rich in love and thankful for so many things.

I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy..but lost my health..and stength..and have not been able to walk proper since, but he has always stood by me. I think of our marriage vows..for better ....for worst..in sickness and in health..till death do you part and feel blessed in love.

Down in the River to Pray

Matching Little Bird Alpha

Matching Little Bird Alpha by Request

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So sorry it has been so long since I posted, real life..keeping me busy these days..home schooling Sam is my first priority and takes a good part of my day, I am so proud to say he is doing well.

He is slowly coming out of his shell, and actually greets people at the door sometimes now. Instead of hiding in his room when someone comes. He enjoys playing this game with me called Timbre, a stack of wooden blocks piled into a tower, that you remove a piece at a time hoping that it don't all fall down when it is your turn.

The Province of Newfoundland and Labrador, Department of Education released changes to be made to the special education system here in the province. There have been 75 recomendations as a result of a independant report. 70 of them have been accepted, it states that parents were involved but I have yet to find a parent in Labrador who participated.

You can read about these changes here! No apology Sammy..No apology mom's..

I put Sammy's Home schooling application in on September the 24th,2007 and was emailed back that I would here from them within a week..I have yet to receive a reply. That to me only indicates some of the same problems I have experienced along the way. Bullying and intimation being only one of the problems I have had to deal with in wanting my child to have a good chance at a good education in life. I did receive one phone call in Mid November..Hello, (in a derocatory tone.....)when is Sammy going to be in school, because I am paying a student aid and he is not there. My reply, well Sammy is in School, He is being home schooled and I am waiting for his application to be approved and if it is not approved he will not being going back to that school and I think I have good reason considering his testing results on top of what happened to him to make that decision in his best interest...oh what testing results...the ones that confict with his first two assesments and the one done last at the school that I was told that my child was normal and that his only problem was his behaviour...done by *****. The one as a parent that was never reviewed by me as a parent...I was then told there is no such report...well, I seen a copy of it at the Janeway..well I never heard of such a report..I don't have a copy of it..

So, what do we have here, another missing report...just how many reports disappear..when it conterversial..really, for Sammy this is the second time..since school..I have reqested this report by email ..several times..and have yet to be sent it..Is this respect? That the Janeway has a copy of it..but not his mother..I will most likely have to request it from the Janeway in order to get a copy of my son's testing at school..the one that was considered wrong.

Good enough then and he hung up...there was no...how is Sammy doing? How are you doing with home schooling? Is there anything that you need that we can help you with? It was just a belittling experience...of power..and disrespect ...typically of the experiences I have had in dealing with the majority of staff...within the school system..

It happens because we are a poor family, if my son was the son of a doctor, teacher or social worker..it would be different....so very different..it is called poor bashing..and it happens all the time..there is book, by Jean Swanson called poor bashing the politics of exculsion..which helped me so understand...some of the obstacles I experience in life..and some of the obstacles of the poor..Labrador has a great deal of poverty, children do go hungry and we don't have the community volunteer service agencies to handle it...the hunger leads to...addiction, suicide..depression and dispear..and the way you are treated..by the very hands the government thinks are there to help you..brings you down faster then if you took a low self esteem pill.

Yet that attitude of belittling others dominates!

I have watched it happen to my own family here..since I had to leave work..in October of 2006...this is what you get after a life time of working, your reward..

I worked from the ages of 15 to 47, the last 12 years in chronic severe pain..parking in my driveway, sitting for 15 minutes while I got the mental strength to deal with the pain to get out of the car and crawl up the steps to my door..lean into the counter..and prepare my families meals..there is no such thing as respect..for having done that..

I have had to watch my own child go hungry in a world of plenty, a hurt so deep in a mothers heart..that you feel like you swallowed..a hot burning coal from hell...

this leads me to the final episode...of why I decided to take my child out of school.

Here in the province of Newfoundland and Labrador there is a great deal of poverty, a family on assistance can only afford..one cooked meal a day, on the amount given..for a family of three, that is 730 dollar a month..for everything..food,lights, phone, etc..They have in the school system..a program to feed the children..Kids eat smart program.

Children are given a healthy lunch three days a week.

When my ei sick benifits ran out..I had tough decision to make..pay for life saving medications...that run over 500 dollars..and find money for food..I bought the most important medications..and what little food I could buy, it did not last three days..I applied for emergency assistance for help for food..and a drug card...I had nothing but flour and water in the house..my child ate fried bread for 4 days...it took that long..for me to be turned down..by a nasty client services officer...of the human resources and employment department..

Sammy refused to eat..the fried bread I had to offer him..and had to go to school..thinking he would be getting the school lunch program..I urged him to go to school..and that daddy may have managed to borrow some money to get him a treat..when he gets back..

My child looked at me..with tears in his eyes...and told me I can't go to school momma...mr...***** is sick of feeding me..

If I could take all the hurt in life that has ever come way and wrap it up in one ball..it would not equal what I felt at that moment...my heart broke..

I called a friend ..crying...and told her what Sammy said..asked her if he could come up and..have something to eat before school..and she said send him on up..and call the school lunch program..

I sent him on his way, phone the teacher...and told him..what my child said..and told him I hope you never have to see your child hungry, but that I now know..why..over 20 thousand children die every day in this world....people like you are sick of feeding them..

I then still crying called the women from the school lunch program..who told me the program is there for children like Sammy and that his bin is filled each morning..and emptied at noon and put back in the fridge..where my son was only attending school half days..his teacher felt he was not entitled to it..

This was quite a change from the teacher he had the year before..who knew the family struggle with poverty...

I struggle with feelings of guilt..for months..realizing my child was going without because I was so sick...until the province came out with a new provincial drug program..which was a life saver for many sick people here in the province...

I will never forget that day...when my child cried over that..and I will spend the rest of my life..advocating for the poor..no mother should have had to experience that after a life time of working..

I have had the good fortune to have met kinder and more caring people along this road I seem to be on..who in all honesty were the glue to my faith and my prayers that I prayed each night..and every day...and somehow the good Lord..sees us through..some pretty tough times..when we look back on it..

I lost a good online friend..Diann was her name..she had a heart of gold..the christmas before last..she started a collection..with a few other friends in one of my long time groups..that all pitched in togethor..and gave Sammy Christmas..Thank you Girls...again, my white envelop of love..will always hold dear to my heart as a reminder of goodness, purity and love..

Thank you to the people who reach out and put food on the table for the poor..recycle things for the poor..for you are the hands of Christ...living his love as angels of this earth, making a difference..one day at a time..one moment at a time...

Such is the importance of kindness..

This was a very very hard post for me to make..I said that I would someday have the courage to tell you..I feel so brave..to finally be able to do it..to let those of you who give from the heart..know..just how important you really are in this world...

To Sammy, To me..and to many other good people ...who should find themselves facing illness..that pretty well destroys a families financial life..!

To my online friends, I truly hold you dear to my heart..it is so true behind a monitor is a real person..that we touch with out ever being in the room with them..