Sunday, May 13, 2007

Little Girls Garden Part Five

This part of the kit holds most of the hardware bits and pieces.
Thank you for visiting!
Deb Fisher (from PickleberryPop) - her husband was tragically killed in a farming accident this week, leaving her with 7 kids in rural Australia.
If you want to support her, head over to PickleBerryPop - where if you purchase anything of Deb's this month - 100% of the proceeds will go to Deb, no commission will be deducted.
I look at my son and my husband and I count my blessings every priceless wonderful moment of time I have them beside me is a gift of joy and happiness and every memory a treasure.
My heart goes out to you Deb and Family.
Deb Needs your love today...Please leave some love on her blog instead of me.

Download Here!
This will be most likely be one of the hardest post I will ever make on my blog.
I woke up this morning determined to make the best of my day.
Showered, brushed my teeth, made my morning coffee and sat to my computer to get ready to do my post..and just started to cry. I wanted to pick up the phone and tell my mother..how much I loved her and how many good things she taught me.
I told her many times but today is the day you just want to say it again.
When I started to share the story of this kit..I knew there would be a ending to the story..but I had no idea how the story would take a unexpected turn and really end.
I loved my mother with all of my heart..and one of the things my mother had to talk about with me before she passed on..was..about things that happened when I was growing up..
She lived in a world whereby social acceptance and standards measured her life.
That was how she herself had growed up.
When I was 13 was when my life really changed..and it was because I told someone about something my father had done to me
From that day on...everything in my life changed.
It was to hard for her to admit it to herself that it could be the truth.
I was to her a liar, and many more things..that is when the beatings really started.
To deal with it..I often spent countless minutes drawing in the silence of my room or outdoors in the sun ..
As a little Girl my mother would come ever night in my room and say my prayers with me..and little did she know..that she gave me the foundation of what I needed to cope with life in those younger years..a foundation that would help me and carry me through all the pain and tears
that were later to come.
Many, Many years later she found out it was the truth by something else.... he had done and that person had the sense to record him.
My mom knew that she was getting sick last summer and was getting herself ready to leave this world and part of what she needed to do to say Goodbye was to tell me..
I am so sorry, I never believed you. I can't imagine how much courage that took.
After all those years, all the scars, the swear words..and the pain, I was set free.
Never once did I not love my mother with all of my heart.
The poem FootPrints comes to my mind as I truly believe that at times when I thought I could not carry on through those young years...there were footprints behind me.
FootPrints that carried me to where I am today.
My mother suffered from Munchausen Syndrome and bi polar disorder which only in the last ten years she was treated for..
I love my mother and I know she is just looking down from heaven...proud of who I am
and proud that I care enough about others in this world that if by telling my story I help just one person...I have done a good thing.
Today the clouds part
an angels opened the gates of heaven
and play their angel harps
our mothers sing
be it the whistle of the wind
or the song of a bird
there will be something
that we once before heard
if we listen carefully
we will hear their lullabye!
Hush little baby this was never Goodbye.
Happy Mother's Day
Thank you for all the wonderful comments of support, caring and appreciation left on my blog
and in 4 shared.
Thank you to those that list me and visit.

30 comments:

grambie said...

My heart is overwhelmed after reading your blog today. I wasn't looking for a download, just browsing because I had the opportunity. Cry your little heart out as much as you want to & as often as you want to. Your Mother had severe emotional problems & could not separate truth from fiction. I know your life was a living hell that only you or someone in your shoes can describe. Yet, it is so rewarding to know that those ritual prayers @ night became the strength & substance that you built upon. It is a blessing that she received treatment & you were able to hear her take back the words of denial that touched your young & innocent life. Parents are the protectors of their children, yet your faith persevere. You know within your heart, that you were--before & after--, an innocent victim of a vicious & evil person, your sperm donor. Keep the love coming. To know that this blog through your journaling has help erase the traces of pain & distrust from your soul. It was never something that you did to cause it, but all on the beast to violated you. Remember, you are a better person because you owned up to the sin against you.
You are blessed by a mighty God, & loved by true soldiers in his army.

leavin a little luv!! XOXOXO

Elf -Canuck & Proud eh! said...

hugest of huge {{{{{{HUGGLES}}}}}}

Elf

Hilmarose said...

My dear, dear, sweet friend... your post brought tears to my eyes.... My heart goes out to you... I am speechless... all I can say is it is very touching.
In those sad, quiet moments always remember the line you typed out...
"Hush little baby this was never good-bye" For truly... as I live and breathe in this moment... you WILL be with her again and you will see that it was never good-bye... it was just "see ya later"... we have that assurance!
I love you my friend!!!!!

Anonymous said...

What a touching story. It is amazing that you are so forgiving. Your talent is great and I appreciate your work. Thanks again
mmikes

Jan said...

Thank you for this beautiful kit. It's just exquisite.

Anonymous said...

Joanne, first off thanks for all your wonderful kits, and for sharing your talent with us. Secondly I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day. I read your blog today fully, not have reading the story about your mom before, as I just found your site yesterday, and I wanted to let you know how much it touched my heart, and I must admit I cried alot. I was a child of sever child abuse by my father, and sexual abuse by his friends. My mother knew, but never did anything about it, she never denied it, just didn't care. As it stands now, I do not speak to my mother, for she has cause tremendous pain for me and my children, I can only hope someday I will be able to get the type of closure you got with your mom, but I truly doubt that will happen.
I'm so glad you got that, it's a hard thing to go through on your own, and to have no one to support you through it, you are one strong lady and should be so very proud of yourself.
God Bless you
A friend

lupuswontwin@gmail.com said...

Thank you this kit and the story.

lupuswontwin@gmail.com said...

OH is this the last part?

Anonymous said...

THANK God you had that time for both of you to heal..& how blessed that your were to be able to keep the love in your heart all those years..May God keep you in His loving embrace..your words just may have helped someone else onto the road of recovery...way2coolgrany

Scrapcat4914 said...

TY so very much for part 5 of your beautiful kit & the story behind it!
It's always the little things that God give's us that helps us to carry on in his word & our lives!

olga9999 said...

I'm new reading your blog and I'm really sorry about the passing of your mother recently. I understand what you feel, it's hard to lose a mother and it becomes more difficult in some circumstances. I can only hope that time will make the pain more bearable and you will feel better.

Thanks a million for sharing your thoughts and your creativity with us and best wishes. :o)

Nancy said...

This kit is amazing and your example of courage and faith is even more amazing. Thank you for sharing your story and your talent! God bless!

JulieO said...

Thank you for sharing your story, I am so glad you have found healing and your mother had enough time to make amends with you. When bad times happen to me I always remember "what dosen't kill me, makes me stronger". God bless.

JulieO said...

I forgot to say thank you for another piece of your lovely kit. I come by every few days to check. There is something special about this kit, all everything fits together so perefctly, after hearing your story I see why. Thanks again.
PS I have already left some love on Deb's blog.

Marta said...

Wow, what can I say. I guess I was lucky as a child to never have experienced what you have. I'm glad you and your mom were able to come to terms with what happened. I hope you have found peace in your heart and soul!

Thank you for the lovely kit, every part is beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Just dropping you a line to let you know how well your "Little Girls Garden" is turning out. Very pretty Joanne.

Take care and write me when you get a chance.

Kelly Jansema

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing, in every sense of the word. Your grief will come in waves, recede, then come again, sometimes at very unexpected times. But the honesty and closure you were able to achieve with your mother will help you heal.

Anonymous said...

I too was a victim of abuse, not sexual but physical and emotional. It is always with me but it has spurred me to ensure that my own children and grandchildren have not had to endure what I did.
You are obviously a caring and loving person and it is to your credit that you are able to forgive your mother for ignoring your cry for help. She had her own problems to deal with and maybe she couldn't cope with any more.
I am glad that you were able to hear your mother say those words - sometimes that is all you need.
Thank you for sharing your inspirational story.
Be happy.

BelindasScrapz said...

I am so overwhelmed by what you have written its hard to put in words what is in my mind. YOu see my daughter has suffered something similar recently though not by her fathers hand. I believe her but others may not and the one thing that stands out in my head is what she said when she told me. She is only 8 and it has been almost a year since it happened and it took that long before she could bring herself to tell. She told me that she had been praying and praying (she goes to church two times a week and has very much faith unlike me who has very little truth be told) each day to god that he might make her forget and take it all away.
I believe and always have that people come into our lives for a reason be it in the form of a blog or in person and somehow I found your blog and this is the second time something you have written has had such a big effect on me. Thank you for sharing both your talent and your words.
I was never brave enough to tell when it happened to me as a child though I did tell my daughter that she was not alone and tell her that it had also happened to me so she would not feel so alone but I am thankful she was so brave and did tell thank you again so much...

Lisa said...

Joanne, Your story really touched me. I can tell by the way you so eloquently express what's in your heart that you are a very special person and I know you mother is very proud of who you are. Thank you for sharing your story. Also thank you for the beautiful Little Girls Garden...I appreciate you sharing your wonderful talent!!

Elaine said...

I downloaded this last piece the day after it came out (Thank you again for this beautiful, beautiful kit) but I did not comment. I was just speechless and though I tried, I could not think of anything to say. I had been reading your comments all along and had previously commented on this tragic story. But I had no idea it was you. I have come back every day but still am at a loss for words. You are so amazingly strong, and so forgiving. You are truly one of Gods Children. I don't know if I had been in your shoes, if I could have forgiven as you have. I hope by telling your story you were able to lighten your burden of the memories, although I doubt it. I still have no words for that young girl who was so wrongfully mistreated. I am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

I just read your story. Almost the same as mine but...my mother believed me, thank God! My father died last year, I'm still trying to forgive him.

God bless.

Anonymous said...

I cried when I read this. I also was sexually abused and my mother did not believe me. She never hit me, but knowing that she did not believe me made withdraw into my shell. She died without ever acknowledging that the abuse occurred. There is a wonderful book that I used during my Christian based counseling. It is "The Wounded Heart: Hope for adult victims of childhood sexual abuse". I belong to a group of "survivors" and I can tell you that it has helped everyone of us. Please know that my prayers are with you. Let me know if you want to talk and we can arrange to do so. God Bless, Kathy M

Nancy72 said...

Your story has touched me deeply, Joanne. I admire your courage and the depth of your love in spite of the pain. I do believe that telling brings help to all...to each in it's own way.
Thank you...;o)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for such a lovely kit, but also for having the courage to share your story with us. I'm so glad that you and your mother were able to address this before she passed on.

I too was abused by my father and never told a soul until I was 20 and only then because my sister had had a baby and I wanted to make sure her kids were protected.

I was believed, but there are times I feel my sister resents me for destroying the good image she had of our father.

Anonymous said...

You are a very strong lady for sharing your story. I believe the only way this world will get better and innocent children will stop getting abused is if everyone just talks about it, to everyone. It should never be a shameful secret. We should all just talk and be totally aware of how this did and does happen to make people get the help they need and never leave children vulnerable to people that are ill. I haven't heard a story like yours in a while, Thank you for the reminder. I hope that your healing continues and your days get brighter and brighter.

dj said...

Joanne, your story truly touches my heart to the core and made me weep. You are one of the greatest examples I've ever seen of how God is a rock and strong tower for those who will run to Him and take shelter under His wing. And God is using you greatly to touch other people through your own painful life. Life is full of choices, and no matter what people do to us, they can never take away our ability to choose something different for ourselves. And it's only by choosing to forgive that we can truly be free our own selves. Forgiveness doesn't mean that we condone the wrong that another person has done, or that we forget it and let them do it to us again. But it frees US from the anger that will eat us up from the inside out like a cancer. Anger doesn't change anyone, but rather makes them harder. But love can melt even the coldest iceberg. Your inner strength and courage from God has already melted hearts. You are such an inspiration! God bless you!

Carla said...

Hi,

Was just out and about surfing and ran across your site. I just want to say how truly blessed I have been by reading it.

I know about a "cat o nine tails" myself. Had a grandmother who used one on me frequently. Fortunately for me, I could outrun and dodge her and didn't get "whupped" as much as she had wanted. In the end though, I too forgave and made peace with her. She and my grandfather raised me from the time I was 2 until I was 12. Being able to heal from abuse of any kind is such a tremendous relief and blessing.

I am sorry about the loss of your mom. I also know how hard that can be. I finally "met" my mom when I was 27 and lost her to cancer 10 years later.

God is our strength and will always be there for you. I am honored to have stumbled across your site and to have shared in your pain and healing.

Thanks for the shares you have given us.

God bless,
Carla

wilma730 said...

I can imagine the peace you must have knowing your Mother got to know the truth before passing.Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent and your stories.

Alicia said...

I was so overwhelmed by readin your post. My father also suffered from bipolar disorder. Thank you for your inspiring words!!